more...more..more..

i cant seem to stop typing..........i wish i could just go smoke a joint.....right this second....my friend....my BEST friend and i were talking and he says he thinks i should stop smoking hash......i brought the subject up....well in so many words........i said to him that if i didnt have a joint by a certain time of the day then my head became really sore....like BOOMING sore, and then he told me.....i dont think he is right but at the same time because of what happend with our other close friend and the whole thing with drugs.........i am totaly coming down from my high and my head is slightly sore.......i live to be high....but i love my friends more............and i have SO many things to say and all i am doing is typing!!

people ma'

people..people....people... people, well "people" is a very open subject, people you like, people you hate, people you love and people you will never meet.......Hers is my thoughts....i love my friends to death........even though things have been tough lately....whether its because of drugs, illnesses or sex. One of my "best" friends has turned her back.......she will never be able to return to who she was.....who we all loved, and who was such an open soul and spirit, on the other hand....someone who i am sooo close to right now is going through something SO terrible thats ripping her family apart (slightly dramatic) but it is a serious thing thats going on.and then theres the sex thing......my two closest friends are together, its great i love them to bits.....but, sometimes i feel like there kid........the way my and my friends have always been is....well its like we are a family that gets on with each other so amazingly......but now i just feel like they are babysitting me, i dont really have a big enough group of friends that we can all hang out seperatly......but i just feel like a third wheel like 95.99% of the time.......i dont think anyone f my friends will EVER see any of my blogs because.......well no one knows i have it........

mute

i feel mute, i feel dead.....like nothing in the world is real. i feel like i am floating..............just hovering above the sofa next to the laptop.......i am slightly stoned.

pffft......"friends"

okay so here is the deal, i figure i can write whatever i want because no one is ever likly to see this.....and even if they did they wouldnt know me so.......okay, i am reaching my late teens and my life sucks....but its not what you are thinking, its not the usual me against the world shite(been there-done that) its kinda like.....well its as if the world it capturing me into a spiral and its getting bigger and i cant get out.
okay so problem number one.......my "friends"lets call them friend O and friend P..........well recently me two best friends started seeing people, but thats fine we all still go out, and even thow i am not seeing anyone its not weird, but it does meen that nights like this i am stuck in the shitty house by myself, and when ever i do see friend O she wants to get smashed, now as shit as it will make me sound i dont mind dropping an E or two.....and dont get me wrong i love to get stoned.....but its like ALL THE TIME >i at least want to remember some of my life thank you V. much< and whenever i see friend P its like nuthing has changedwith us xept me and him never get time alone to talk..................just to let you all know, i dont "like" any of them in that way, and couldnt ever.....we are like family.
so second problem, PARENTS........well i am seventeen so i think enough said on that one. i figure if anyone actually does EVER read this then you will be bored now so..............
third problem, work..............ough work, a part time shitty job 3HOURS A DAY, i have like NO money one week after i get paid :(
and last but not least(well for now)................my sexuality, now i am not one who is bothered with this type of thing...........well as far as it stands i am bisexual, i feel like i cant make up my mind, one minute i think i am in love with my sister best friend*yea i know* and the next i wana pounce on the 16 year old coke head that i am suposidly friends with......or the guy at work that sends mixed messages....................cant believe i quit smoking last week!!!!